After the dramatic resignation of New Zealand’s Prime Minister, Jacinda Adern, I’ve been forced to look at the leadership structure within my own organisations.
I’ve discussed my position as ‘Head of the Household’ with caucus (the cat) and pressure is mounting for me to step down.
It seems some of my policies have proved unpopular with the voters (still the cat) and my position is becoming increasingly untenable.
My inflexibility when it comes to the cat’s proposed Three Dinners Bill has created a lot of friction within the electorate, as has my inability to reduce emissions, especially on my current high-fibre diet.
As always, the economy is one of the most contentious issues, with budgetary constraints resulting in the recent axing of Fancy Feast Cat Treats.
This caused considerable consternation amongst the constituents.
Widespread protests have erupted and judging by the marks on my leg following a hallway altercation, the claws are definitely out.
The cat has also received support from an unexpected pressure group – the local lizard population.
Previously this column has sided with the skinks and sought to find a peaceful resolution to the Cat-Lizard territorial disputes, however, with feline hunger levels increasing due to cutbacks, the conflict has ramped up and casualties are mounting.
Rumblings from the undergrowth have reached my ears and I’ve been informed that if the treats are not reinstated then the garden electorate may very well be lost.
Following fierce lobbying for the reintroduction of Ocean Whitefish & Tuna Feast In Sautéed Seafood Flavour Gravy, a compromise is close - Chicken Feast (currently on special) is now on the table. Or rather, on the grocery list.
Strangely enough, my position has been strengthened by some serious gaffs from the leader of the opposition (my daughter).
Her ‘You Need To Get A Dog’ policy has been poorly received amongst the voting public and forwarding me a note from the vet saying the cat’s vaccinations were overdue, was a serious own goal.
The anti-vax crowd (you guessed it, the cat) had a field day with that one.
We’re just one flea treatment away from a full-blown mutiny.
We’re just one flea treatment away from a full-blown mutiny.
Even though I know she covets the top job in the family (which, I’m sure would be disputed by the current matriarch), my daughter won’t have the numbers to topple me at the next family meeting.
As long as I buy morning tea and get the nice sausage rolls. The family’s loyalty is very easily bought.
The other position currently under threat is my role as the head of Glenn Wood Incorporated.
I’m seriously thinking of chucking that in as, frankly, the job is seriously underpaid for the amount of work involved.
The KPI’s have got increasingly harder to hit as the years go by.
The company has been restructured many times (too many times) and is losing market share. This is due to a shift in business conditions and my dodgy knee making it very hard to pivot.
I can do the piv but the ot has got me beat.
There is also a very real possibility of a hostile takeover.
Several brain cells have formed a cabal dedicated to completely neglecting my duties as CEO and doing silly bugger stuff. Like, taking up Frisbee/disc golf at the age of … well, old.
And continuing to buy Buffy The Vampire Slayer T-Shirts when I really should have given up wearing them fifteen years ago.
These radical elements have always been a part of the corporation but I think the shareholders (friends, family and yeah, the cat again) really hoped they would have been encouraged to pursue other career options years ago.
I guess it all comes down to if I have enough left in the tank to do another term.
Perhaps if I made the cat my deputy common ground could be reached – fishy treats for safe passage down the hallway.
Politics is all about compromise.
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Best one yet!!
I'm with the cat... no surprises really being a Leo... bugger the jabs, and demand higher pay (Fancy Food AND treats!) CATS RULE!! ;) Tracey
Excellent!