Council is a thing and it exists.
You’re welcome.
Oh, you want a more in-depth explanation. Okay, fair enough. I’ll give it a go. Nothing to lose, except quite a few readers. Let’s do it.
Naturally, the first thing I did was google ‘what councils do’.
You might think any idiot could do that but you’d be wrong. Some idiots don’t have power at the moment.
On the ‘Your Local Council’ fact sheet, which looks like it’s been drawn by a three-year-old (not a great start), I found the following list.
What does local government do?
Do you like to…
Play at a neighbourhood playground, (No. I’m not six and the swings won’t hold me. I’m guessing of course, there’s no way to know, it’s not like I’ve tried and broken stuff).
Swim in a community pool, (And risk inhaling toddler pee? Are you mad?)
Test your skills at the local skate park, (I would die)
Or, check out books from your local library? (I’m an author. I want people to buy books not borrow them. libraries encourage spongers).
Apparently, these are all things the council provides. So, nil from four then.
There was probably more information on the fact sheet but I couldn’t be bothered reading it.
In the interest of fairness, I should add that, as I was closing the largely unread link, I noticed I’d accidentally opened a fact sheet for teens. This is what happens when you click on Google’s first offering without looking at it properly, so don’t do that.
If you take nothing more from this post than this (which seems likely) then my job is done.
If you take nothing more from this post than this (which seems likely) then my job is done.
The question - ‘What do councils do?’ or, more specifically, ‘What does Auckland City Council do?’ – was asked frequently during the recent floods.
The answer seemed to be; warn people about flooding quite some time AFTER the flooding had happened, or, in other words, nothing of any actual use.
Here are some other things the council does:
Take money out of my account every month. A bit like Netflix and Spotify but with considerably less entertainment value.
The money is for rates. Ironically, I rate this poorly. I’d be better off spending my money on a stick to gauge water levels, something seemingly beyond the council’s abilities.
Pick up rubbish. The only other people I know who do this are criminals on periodic detention. What does this tell us?
Make plans. In general, these plans are about what plans they should make. There will be whole committees and sub-committees dedicated to planning which plans to plan.
Get into spectacular amounts of debt. Auckland Council has been particularly good at this. Understandable. It’s not like budgeting is a cornerstone of local governance or anything.
That was sarcasm. I’m pointing this out for any council employee that may read this column and not notice.
And that’s about it.
They are supposed to do a lot more but the structure of council is designed to prevent anything else from happening.
By decree, councils are made up of an old white guy at the top and hippies.
I have nothing against old white guys, I’m one myself, or hippies (I have leanings) but we all know they don’t get much done (this column has taken ages).
Old white guys are occupied by making sure the patriarchy and the Illuminati remain in power and hippies are too busy meaning well and drinking herbal tea to be truly effective.
Legal note- some council structures may differ.
Councils are voted in which is a stupid system because the only people who are interested enough to actually vote in council elections are exactly the sort of people who should not be allowed to vote.
There you go then. An exhaustive and insightful report on the inner workings, function and responsibilities of your local council. Just what you’ve come to expect from this column.
So, next time flood waters are lapping at your front door and the rubbish hasn’t been collected, you can relax in the knowledge that old white guys and hippies are planning to think about acting on it.
That’s money well spent.
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
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Spot on observations! Here, on the other side of the Earth it's pretty much the same - I'd only add our councilors like also to argue a lot, mostly on customary matters.